I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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