nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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