i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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