I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
