Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
