Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
