It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
