I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
