Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
