Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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