im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am one with the molecules
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
