almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
