So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
