Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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