You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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