i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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