dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
