hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
