yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
