even my farts smell like vagina
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
