hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
