You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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