i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
