Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
