So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
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I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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