Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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