Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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