I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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