Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
