apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
