I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
