Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
