you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
