Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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