I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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