lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
