All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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