I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
