i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
