I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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