I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
