she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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