I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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