You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
