Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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