So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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