She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
