I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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