My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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