I'm going to jail i love you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
