Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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