The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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