Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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