Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
