I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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