Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
