i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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