Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
