ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
