Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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