your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
