Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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