After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
