we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
