I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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