How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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