I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
