I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
