so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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