thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
