At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
