My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
