You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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