Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think my fart just growled at me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
