He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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