I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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