I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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