Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
