My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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