Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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