if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
