i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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